Something to Offend Everyone

[seiko1]

I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that
Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin
into her crack......................she hasn't even got a car!!

I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Aunt's dinner. I
feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to
forgive myself.

Matt Lucas's ex-partner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be
distraught but on a lighter note, he is now the only gay in the village

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about
sucking my thumb...!!

Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind
roight now."

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The
girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping,
drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to
cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was
never farted upon. The End.

Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my
clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k
Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a
fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her gob shut.

Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo.
How good is that?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm
f**king having that!"

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland . He looks down and sees
a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya
b'stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999.
Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"
Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is
dead?"
CLICK,BANG
Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

[laidback]

Not offended yet....try again...

[Gosling1]

I thought you were posting up a life-size picture of your melon !!

[dutchy]

Some of those are pretty good.

[seiko1]

I thought you were posting up a life-size picture of your melon !!

mmmmmmmmmmmmm life-like melons

real-sex-doll_8VER6_48.jpg (54.92 KiB) Viewed 1974 times

[Gav]

Whatever is in the water down there ..I want some...

[Gosling1]

Whatever is in the water down there ..I want some...

what, you mean Adelaide water ??

Its about 99% effluent from the SE corner of Oz. You are welcome to it mate !

[swearbear9r]

hehe the water is awesome on this side of the border lol ya ALL welcome hahaha . they are funny as mate....

[Mikey84]

Bloody Pisser!!